Introduction story: I had no idea what the story was about going and I still do not know much about it but I definitely want to know more about this story. Good job on making me more interested on the story. This story was well written. The suspense in the story kept me hooked until the end. I like how the parents received the image of the empty life jacket in the water. It felt like a realistic reaction that would have occurred. The story was relatable in that instance and in others. The story seemed like something that would actually happen, except for the underwater and dolphin part. Another element of the story that I liked was the fact the story was in third person. Being able to see all the elements in play was a nice touch for this story. The spacing of the paragraphs was also nice. It was easy to read when it was in that format.
Introduction Story: I was a little bit confused when I read the introduction, that I had to go back and read it again. I wish that I could have gotten a little bit more context of where the story came from. Other than that I liked the idea of the fish. In my family a fish has a lot of significance, such as if the elders (great grandparents or grandparents) have a dream about fish, that means that someone in the family is pregnant. I dont know how they came up with that significance but my family takes it really serious. I think that painting the image that something had happened to their son, by having the life jacket come to the surface of the water, was clever because that was a plot turner. It could go two ways, the boy could have died or he could have gotten rescued by someone or something.
Introduction Story: I just finished reading your introduction story, and it was really interesting! I liked the way you introduced the family and how Badri loved fishing. I read the story a couple of times, but I'm still confused on some parts. I don't understand the hallucinations that Badri saw with the man and the lake. I assumed that it had to by symbolic, but I don't understand why. I think my problem is that I don't understand where the story originated from or have any background information. On a brighter note, I really like your writing style. They was you described the parents after they have discovered that Bardi was dead really appealed to me. I felt like I could feel their despair. Your format was also appealing and easy to read. The image was unclear on my laptop, but I think it was supposed to be an underwater image of some kind. Overall, I’m really interested to hear more of your story.
I will have to go read the story that you choose to draw from. I really enjoyed the introduction. I just needed to know more about what was going on. I will make sure to go read that and come back. I loved your use of the word swimmingly. The transitions between perspectives was excellent! I enjoyed how you were able to flow between each. Your first story cleared everything up and I was able to see the storyline and direction you were taking with the storybook. I loved that story alot because of the way you described the scene once transported. Your author note in that story helped me so much. I am interested to see how he interacts with the avatars. This would be an awesome kids show to teach them about these stories. I can relate more too feeling like I am a part of the story which is something that didn't happen when we were reading them for class.
Hi Carey! I just read your introduction and the first story for your Storybook. I have to say, I really like your blog layout and design. It's very clean and simple so it doesn't detract from the stories, but there are some little details like the font and the notebook fringe design on the side that still give it a lot of character. I like how your introduction was more like a story in itself, but it also works to give a context for the rest of the stories you'll include. Making it purposefully confusing is a really smart way to draw the reader in, and it also helps put us in Badri's shoes, because I'm sure he was just as confused as we were. Your prose is also really, really well done. It seems like you've really thought about what story you want to tell, and how you want to tell it. You've got some really strong imagery, and this is complemented by the striking pictures you're using for your stories. I'm really excited to see where you take this, and I'm looking forward to the final product!
Kurma: I like how this story is told. It is an interesting take on the story by having it told initially by a bedtime story by Badri’s mother Shanaya but then having Badri transported into the story when he is falling asleep. The background info on the story that was going to be told was nice because it gave a reason for the stirring of the Ocean of Milk. It would have been nice for the story to have been longer because it felt rushed and their was not very many interactions between Badri and Kurma. Something else that I would recommend would be on how Vishnu became Kurma because at one point he was just Vishnu then he became Kurma. I liked how the text was broken up into paragraphs and I could not see any grammar mistakes. Finally, I liked the picture that was used in the story the mountain in the picture looked like it had a handle on top to stir with.
Hi Carey, I am commenting in regards to your project- storybook. It took me a while to figure out what was going on in the picture you provided for the introduction. I did not realize it was a boat until I started reading the story. I really enjoyed reading it. I like how you added a lot of words that helped me to create an image in my head while reading the story. One of my favorite sentence from the introduction was in the first paragraph. It is “At home, Badri always dragged his mother to the pet store.” I found it interesting because like I mentioned before, it helped me create an image of a little boy dragging his mom from the kitchen to go out with him. You got me hooked when you mentioned that Badri jumped off the boat and tried to swim and he didn’t know how to swim. When I finished readind the introduction, I quickly finished reading story 1. I am eagerly waiting for the next part of the story. You did a good job on your story book.
Carey, I really like the look and the layout of your storybook site! I think that you have done a truly great job with it and I know that it will look even better when you are all finished with it. Your stories in the storybook are also incredible and it shows me what I great writer you are! You have so much potential for some excellent writing and you have set the bar high for how I should probably be writing for this class. I want to go back and change my storybook now that I have seen the look of yours! I noticed that you are particularly good at writing short and simple sentences that convey a lot to the reader in a short amount of time. I think that this style of writing adds a lot of drama and power to what you are trying to say and it will no doubt, make your storybook all the better!
Woah, Carey! What a great idea for a storybook! First off, your first two stories made me really want to read the rest (soon!) as well as the epics they originally came from! When I was reading through at first, I wondered if it was just me that thought Vishnu seemed like he was having a little bit of trouble picking the most useful forms to be incarnated as, but after reading your author's note, I realized that wasn't just me. I'm not going crazy yet, which is pretty good considering where we're at in the semester. Past that, your writing is fantastic. I didn't see any flaws, and it flows very well. I like how Badri gets transported to where the stories are happening--it's one thing to have stories retold by a parent, but it's entirely another when you get to experience the stories first hand with the character. Overall, really, really great work, Carey!
What an interesting introduction! I really thought that this introduction was going to be incredibly dark, but it turned out alright. This story is just strange and intriguing enough that it grabbed my attention. I am not sure if it is just my computer, but the picture is hard to see what exactly the shaded portion is, and if you meant for it to have a link I do not think that it connected correctly. Overall this story flowed well from paragraph to paragraph and the paragraphs were spaced sufficiently to not cause a problem with flow. I enjoyed the pun in the first paragraph, but it sets the reader up to anticipate a humorous introduction not sure if it was intentional or not. On the first paragraph, perhaps you could shorten it in order to show the panic that Shanaya felt. The middle portion of the text could possibly be moved to paragraph two.
Varaha: I like the child Badri framework that you used for this story. I myself have visited several national parks and have enjoyed every trip to them. The picture and link seem in order and lend themselves well to the story as a whole. The paragraph spacing and transitions were excellent and allowed the story to flow. I enjoyed the amount of dialogue, enough that I got the whole story but not so much that it overpowered the writing. I also like that you added something that I would think would persist to other stories, the murmuring of the earth.
Varaha This was an interesting spin on telling the story of Varaha. I liked how you had Mother Earth come and tell Badri the story of how she was taken by Hiranyaksha and how Vishnu reincarnated as a boar named Varaha. The start of the story where you gave the background added depth to the characters and helped progress the story. The spacing in the story was good and I did not notice and grammar or spelling mistakes in the text. Except on the quotations on the part where Mother Earth began her monologue. It seemed like quotations were missing and I would recommend changing the spacing to enhance flow. The picture in the beginning of the story fit the story well and it seemed like you did your research on the location and it fit well considering that it was Mother Earth telling the story. I look forward to more of your stories.
Hi Carey! I just finished reading your introduction! But first, let me comment on your storybook page itself! I really like your layout and how crisp it looks. I really liked it! As far as the introduction itself, I think it was a very nice story. There were somethings that were a bit confusing to me and I had to go back and re-read it a couple of times to grasp the concepts. One of them being the images that Badri saw when he was underwater. I'm assuming these were visions he saw while he was unconscious. I had trouble envisioning them. But, other than that, I might just have to read the original story to make more sense of it. I love how you gave Badri a background and stated that he loved aquatic life even when he was younger. I can't even imagine what his parents felt seeing his life jacket floating out at sea. Such suspense!
Hey Carey! This is my first time reading your story book, but I love what you have done so far! At first while reading the introduction, I thought the story was going to start out with a very dark beginning. You did a good job at setting up the scene for the reader to picture a perfect, happy little family as you described the fishing trip and all of the wonderful fish they caught. It was very clear from reading your story that the parents loved each other and their son very much. I was glad to see that the son did not drown or die when he jumped off the boat and that he ended up reunited with his family once again. I was slightly confused when I read about the different scenes Badri was witnessing under the water when he fell off of the boat, but other than that this story was well written.
It is really hard to find stories of the other Vishnu incarnations that aren’t Rama or Krishna. I remember having a really difficult time finding more information on Vamana, his incarnation as the dwarf. There were some references but not much to go on. I’m grateful that you included a more in depth version of one of his lesser-known incarnations. I had no idea that Vishnu was a boar for one of his incarnations. Your story painted a wonderful mental picture, especially when you used the geyser as a means for the Earth to communicate with Badri. It was a nice tool to help modernize the story. I also enjoyed the way you described how Varaha brought the Earth back into the sky by carrying it between its tusks. I also feel the same way about sages. Why do they have so much power and why do they often use it to trick and then punish people for being tricked?
Introduction story:
ReplyDeleteI had no idea what the story was about going and I still do not know much about it but I definitely want to know more about this story. Good job on making me more interested on the story. This story was well written. The suspense in the story kept me hooked until the end. I like how the parents received the image of the empty life jacket in the water. It felt like a realistic reaction that would have occurred. The story was relatable in that instance and in others. The story seemed like something that would actually happen, except for the underwater and dolphin part. Another element of the story that I liked was the fact the story was in third person. Being able to see all the elements in play was a nice touch for this story. The spacing of the paragraphs was also nice. It was easy to read when it was in that format.
Introduction Story:
ReplyDeleteI was a little bit confused when I read the introduction, that I had to go back and read it again. I wish that I could have gotten a little bit more context of where the story came from. Other than that I liked the idea of the fish. In my family a fish has a lot of significance, such as if the elders (great grandparents or grandparents) have a dream about fish, that means that someone in the family is pregnant. I dont know how they came up with that significance but my family takes it really serious. I think that painting the image that something had happened to their son, by having the life jacket come to the surface of the water, was clever because that was a plot turner. It could go two ways, the boy could have died or he could have gotten rescued by someone or something.
Introduction Story:
ReplyDeleteI just finished reading your introduction story, and it was really interesting! I liked the way you introduced the family and how Badri loved fishing. I read the story a couple of times, but I'm still confused on some parts. I don't understand the hallucinations that Badri saw with the man and the lake. I assumed that it had to by symbolic, but I don't understand why. I think my problem is that I don't understand where the story originated from or have any background information. On a brighter note, I really like your writing style. They was you described the parents after they have discovered that Bardi was dead really appealed to me. I felt like I could feel their despair. Your format was also appealing and easy to read. The image was unclear on my laptop, but I think it was supposed to be an underwater image of some kind. Overall, I’m really interested to hear more of your story.
I will have to go read the story that you choose to draw from. I really enjoyed the introduction. I just needed to know more about what was going on. I will make sure to go read that and come back. I loved your use of the word swimmingly. The transitions between perspectives was excellent! I enjoyed how you were able to flow between each. Your first story cleared everything up and I was able to see the storyline and direction you were taking with the storybook. I loved that story alot because of the way you described the scene once transported. Your author note in that story helped me so much. I am interested to see how he interacts with the avatars. This would be an awesome kids show to teach them about these stories. I can relate more too feeling like I am a part of the story which is something that didn't happen when we were reading them for class.
ReplyDeleteHi Carey! I just read your introduction and the first story for your Storybook. I have to say, I really like your blog layout and design. It's very clean and simple so it doesn't detract from the stories, but there are some little details like the font and the notebook fringe design on the side that still give it a lot of character. I like how your introduction was more like a story in itself, but it also works to give a context for the rest of the stories you'll include. Making it purposefully confusing is a really smart way to draw the reader in, and it also helps put us in Badri's shoes, because I'm sure he was just as confused as we were. Your prose is also really, really well done. It seems like you've really thought about what story you want to tell, and how you want to tell it. You've got some really strong imagery, and this is complemented by the striking pictures you're using for your stories. I'm really excited to see where you take this, and I'm looking forward to the final product!
ReplyDeleteKurma:
ReplyDeleteI like how this story is told. It is an interesting take on the story by having it told initially by a bedtime story by Badri’s mother Shanaya but then having Badri transported into the story when he is falling asleep. The background info on the story that was going to be told was nice because it gave a reason for the stirring of the Ocean of Milk. It would have been nice for the story to have been longer because it felt rushed and their was not very many interactions between Badri and Kurma. Something else that I would recommend would be on how Vishnu became Kurma because at one point he was just Vishnu then he became Kurma. I liked how the text was broken up into paragraphs and I could not see any grammar mistakes. Finally, I liked the picture that was used in the story the mountain in the picture looked like it had a handle on top to stir with.
Hi Carey, I am commenting in regards to your project- storybook. It took me a while to figure out what was going on in the picture you provided for the introduction. I did not realize it was a boat until I started reading the story. I really enjoyed reading it. I like how you added a lot of words that helped me to create an image in my head while reading the story. One of my favorite sentence from the introduction was in the first paragraph. It is “At home, Badri always dragged his mother to the pet store.” I found it interesting because like I mentioned before, it helped me create an image of a little boy dragging his mom from the kitchen to go out with him. You got me hooked when you mentioned that Badri jumped off the boat and tried to swim and he didn’t know how to swim. When I finished readind the introduction, I quickly finished reading story 1. I am eagerly waiting for the next part of the story. You did a good job on your story book.
ReplyDeleteCarey, I really like the look and the layout of your storybook site! I think that you have done a truly great job with it and I know that it will look even better when you are all finished with it. Your stories in the storybook are also incredible and it shows me what I great writer you are! You have so much potential for some excellent writing and you have set the bar high for how I should probably be writing for this class. I want to go back and change my storybook now that I have seen the look of yours! I noticed that you are particularly good at writing short and simple sentences that convey a lot to the reader in a short amount of time. I think that this style of writing adds a lot of drama and power to what you are trying to say and it will no doubt, make your storybook all the better!
ReplyDeleteWoah, Carey! What a great idea for a storybook! First off, your first two stories made me really want to read the rest (soon!) as well as the epics they originally came from! When I was reading through at first, I wondered if it was just me that thought Vishnu seemed like he was having a little bit of trouble picking the most useful forms to be incarnated as, but after reading your author's note, I realized that wasn't just me. I'm not going crazy yet, which is pretty good considering where we're at in the semester. Past that, your writing is fantastic. I didn't see any flaws, and it flows very well. I like how Badri gets transported to where the stories are happening--it's one thing to have stories retold by a parent, but it's entirely another when you get to experience the stories first hand with the character. Overall, really, really great work, Carey!
ReplyDeleteWhat an interesting introduction! I really thought that this introduction was going to be incredibly dark, but it turned out alright. This story is just strange and intriguing enough that it grabbed my attention. I am not sure if it is just my computer, but the picture is hard to see what exactly the shaded portion is, and if you meant for it to have a link I do not think that it connected correctly. Overall this story flowed well from paragraph to paragraph and the paragraphs were spaced sufficiently to not cause a problem with flow. I enjoyed the pun in the first paragraph, but it sets the reader up to anticipate a humorous introduction not sure if it was intentional or not. On the first paragraph, perhaps you could shorten it in order to show the panic that Shanaya felt. The middle portion of the text could possibly be moved to paragraph two.
ReplyDeleteVaraha: I like the child Badri framework that you used for this story. I myself have visited several national parks and have enjoyed every trip to them. The picture and link seem in order and lend themselves well to the story as a whole. The paragraph spacing and transitions were excellent and allowed the story to flow. I enjoyed the amount of dialogue, enough that I got the whole story but not so much that it overpowered the writing. I also like that you added something that I would think would persist to other stories, the murmuring of the earth.
Varaha
ReplyDeleteThis was an interesting spin on telling the story of Varaha. I liked how you had Mother Earth come and tell Badri the story of how she was taken by Hiranyaksha and how Vishnu reincarnated as a boar named Varaha. The start of the story where you gave the background added depth to the characters and helped progress the story. The spacing in the story was good and I did not notice and grammar or spelling mistakes in the text. Except on the quotations on the part where Mother Earth began her monologue. It seemed like quotations were missing and I would recommend changing the spacing to enhance flow. The picture in the beginning of the story fit the story well and it seemed like you did your research on the location and it fit well considering that it was Mother Earth telling the story. I look forward to more of your stories.
Hi Carey! I just finished reading your introduction! But first, let me comment on your storybook page itself! I really like your layout and how crisp it looks. I really liked it!
ReplyDeleteAs far as the introduction itself, I think it was a very nice story. There were somethings that were a bit confusing to me and I had to go back and re-read it a couple of times to grasp the concepts. One of them being the images that Badri saw when he was underwater. I'm assuming these were visions he saw while he was unconscious. I had trouble envisioning them. But, other than that, I might just have to read the original story to make more sense of it. I love how you gave Badri a background and stated that he loved aquatic life even when he was younger. I can't even imagine what his parents felt seeing his life jacket floating out at sea. Such suspense!
Hey Carey! This is my first time reading your story book, but I love what you have done so far! At first while reading the introduction, I thought the story was going to start out with a very dark beginning. You did a good job at setting up the scene for the reader to picture a perfect, happy little family as you described the fishing trip and all of the wonderful fish they caught. It was very clear from reading your story that the parents loved each other and their son very much. I was glad to see that the son did not drown or die when he jumped off the boat and that he ended up reunited with his family once again. I was slightly confused when I read about the different scenes Badri was witnessing under the water when he fell off of the boat, but other than that this story was well written.
ReplyDeleteIt is really hard to find stories of the other Vishnu incarnations that aren’t Rama or Krishna. I remember having a really difficult time finding more information on Vamana, his incarnation as the dwarf. There were some references but not much to go on. I’m grateful that you included a more in depth version of one of his lesser-known incarnations. I had no idea that Vishnu was a boar for one of his incarnations. Your story painted a wonderful mental picture, especially when you used the geyser as a means for the Earth to communicate with Badri. It was a nice tool to help modernize the story. I also enjoyed the way you described how Varaha brought the Earth back into the sky by carrying it between its tusks. I also feel the same way about sages. Why do they have so much power and why do they often use it to trick and then punish people for being tricked?
ReplyDelete